No I’m not vacillating, yet. I just wanted to add some more context.
After I posted last night, I was thinking about how I forgot to explain a chunk in my decision making factors. So here’s that chunk. What I am really trying to embrace is the idea of FINISHING the 1st Draft of AH2 with the Nano as my launch pad. What that means is two things. The first is that I would not shoot for 50,000 words (the Nano suggestion); I would shoot for 80,000 words, which was my goal for the 1st Draft of AH1. The second is that after looking at my commitments and running the math several different ways, most likely I would need 5 weeks to hit the 80,000 words.
On point one, I don’t have a problem with 80,000 words. That’s a good target word count for a novel and the 1st Draft of AH1 was 85,000. So if I’m going to do it, it makes sense to me to target the real/right word count.
Point two is the trickier one. If I really try and do it in 5 weeks, that translates to 2285 words a day. In and of itself, that’s not a lot of words. BUT when you factor in a day job, being a single dad half the time, soccer coach, etc., the time to do 2285 words looks pretty scarce. 1000-1500, no problem. 2200 problem.
The second problem with point two is that I might run long. As I noted, my 1st draft of AH1 went 5,000 words long. If I do run long that could add another few days and if I get to within a few chapters of the end, there’s no way that I’m not going to go ahead and press through to completion. And of course my bigger fear is that I will get behind schedule and either have to abandon the idea of finishing the draft (a huge disappointment) or stick with it and add another week or two to the delay in starting the 4th draft of AH1.
As I work through this “out loud” I’m feeling a little stress. Technically, I think the Nano is supposed to be fun. But of course I’m turning it into something bigger, so it could add a little anxiety here <<– laughing at myself right now. The idea of missing the goal would really disappointment me and the thought of running long and cutting into my restart of AH1 would really frustrate me. All of that said, I do feel this Warrioresque desire to accept the challenge as I’ve created it, step through the fear and frustration, and simply be disciplined enough to make it work. Perhaps that is what the Nano is actually all about.